Blog #5 – It’s a boy!

It’s a sunny Tuesday late morning in July 2020, I’m working from home. The ITV show “This Morning” was on the tv in the background, someone had just won a few grand playing “Spin The Wheel”.. then suddenly I heard a shriek upstairs.. Lotty: “Oh my god…” Me: “What?” Lotty: “Ohhhhh my god”. Lotty thunders down the stairs, well when I say thunder she’s so small it’s more of a trickle but nether the less she meant business…

“Close your eyes and hold out your hand” she says, the sound of her voice is a mix of excitement mixed with nervousness. She placed a small thin plastic stick in my hand.. then another… and another. I start to realise whats happening then she said “ok…. open” with a nervous laugh.

3 Clearblue pregnancy tests, two old school with the lines and one digital.. “Pregnant“… Lotty starts to analyse every facial muscle movement trying to get some understanding of what I’m thinking. Of course the only thing going through my head is fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. But wait. Slow down, we wanted this!

Unlike our first pregnancy this was planned so why was my automatic reaction fear? Flashbacks of Rose’s traumatic birth flooded into my head, the stress, the diagnosed PTSD from seeing Lotty looking grey and near unconscious, the world stopping silence of Rose being born not breathing…

But this will be different I said to myself, we will be more prepared and I know with Lotty by my side theres nothing we can’t get through.

All of these emotions went by and after a few seconds.. I smiled and said “we’re having a baby!”.

The Pregnancy

The pregnancy was in no other words pretty terrible. Lotty was huge, she would throw up with nearly any smell meaning Mexican night was now plain pasta night and the mood swings.. well lets just say I was lucky to survive past it! However after the first 6 months, I did start to enjoy the beauty of the situation. When having Rose I didn’t really appreciate exactly what was happening as it was all new to us, but this time I wanted to know exactly what development stage he was at and what I could do to help Lotty and the baby.

The Gender

Now, I’d be lying if I were to say I didn’t care about the gender. I wanted a boy soooooo bad. I have a great relationship with my dad and I have fond memories growing up. Him celebrating my first goal playing football, him giving me prep talks before matches, taking me to shows, teaching me discipline through his military background and I wanted that!

Whilst waiting for the gender scan all that was going through my head was “pleaaaaseeee be a boy”, but when the scan started.. in all honesty that all went away. I didn’t care at all anymore. Here was this beautiful life-form which I helped create, all I felt was love for this thing. By the end of the scan we both forgot to even ask about the gender as it just wasn’t important anymore. The nurse wrote the gender on a piece of paper, folded it and past it to Lotty. We walked back to the car both full of love and excitement. We got in the car and Lotty screamed “ITS A BOY!!” I was ecstatic.

The Birth

In a previous blog I wrote about the complications the birth of my daughter had. So going into this played heavily on everyones minds. Lotty had been recommended to have a planned Caesarian which she accepted. At 00:12 on a Thursday in February lotty’s water broke.. nearly a month early. We had only just started to plan everything but we did have a “go” bag ready which luckily we packed just the previous weekend. We called the hospital and got down there as soon as we could. Then our son, Leo, was born 7 hours later. In contrast to our daughter, this went incredibly smoothly and I felt so incredibly lucky and blessed.

The next few days were hard, Leo’s health was not too good and the likely hood of him being moved into the ICU unit was growing after every check up. What made things more difficult was that due the pandemic, the visiting hours were very short. I had two hours to spend with my new baby and try and care for Lotty.

On the second day I arrived into the after care unit, I arrived 40 minutes early hoping I could sneak in.. unfortunately it didn’t work. When I finally got to the hot, cramped uncomfortable shared room Lotty had been put into, all my excitement disappeared and a flood of worry fell upon me. Lotty looked extremely unwell. She had been placed next to a giant radiator so it was boiling, she also had been asking for help sitting up etc. as she had just had a C-Section however the nurses stopped checking so she had been left. I wished I could have taken her place, I hated seeing her in that state. Filled with worry, upset and frustration I left to talk to reception. It turned out that the nurse’s had not checked the notes properly and put them in a short stay unit… fortunately they were moved to a long stay unit which helped.

Now my attention was focused on Leo. Different doctors came and went all with different opinions, some saying “he will be moved into ICU later today”, then with others saying “we will see how is tomorrow”. Leo’s health was deteriorating daily until fortunately a brilliant doctor took charge and she got him into the Intensive Care Unit that night. This brought back alot of painful memories but It helped knowing he was in the best possible care. It also meant there was no limit to how often I could visit, I took Lotty to her parents to be looked after and went straight back to hospital. I was there everyday until we got the amazing news… “We’re happy for him to be discharged”.

(I do want to say, I have a huge amount respect for all NHS staff. It’s just unfortunate that when it comes to babies we haven’t had the best experiences. )

Introducing the kids

After a week of Leo being in intensive care, we were given the all clear to go home. We had no idea how Rose would respond to him, she hadn’t had any experience with a baby before. When we arrived home, we sat her down and slowly introduced them. Rose was bewildered by him, the love and bond between them was instant. The first three months were challenging as Rose had been use to having 100% of our attention at all times, now she was having to share. This had an effect, tantrums, screaming, hitting and general misbehaviour became a common occurrence but was to be expected. We handled it the best we could and tried to prioritise her when we could but Rose had to learn for herself that she had to share her mum and dad which was hard for her. But 6 months later she is like a different child, she is still a four year old and definitely has her moments. But for the most part she is a lovely big sister and cares and loves her brother, he adores her and smiles every time he see’s her.

Six Months On…

After six months I honestly find it hard to imagine life before Leo. He is the most charming, kind & loving person I have ever known. Before he was born I was dealing with alot of mental health issues with the UK lockdown only having more negative effects. But now I feel like new man, I have my drive back, my determination, me and my partner have never been closer. He changed all of our lives and I couldn’t be happier but also I am thankful everyday.

Sleep is a weird topic for me. Insomnia is something which I have had for years, even now I’m writing this at 1:30am. So a lack of sleep is something I’m use to, however the broken sleep mixed with insomnia is very hard and at times I felt could break me. But as time has gone on, things have been easier. I go to sleep around 2am every night, then I get woken up around 4am by either Leo or Rose, after getting sometimes both of them back to sleep I then wake up at 7:30-8am. Although this sounds a killer, it’s something I have adapted to and I try and take naps when I can.

Many things have changed in these 6 months. I will be writing more around friendships and managing peoples expectations, Work including working from home with a baby, maintaining a healthy relationship with two young kids whilst being in our now mid 20’s.. and more. So please keep a look out for future blogs and please reach out to me. I want to share my experience of being a young dad and hope I can help others or just help people get a new perspective.